Why am I always a schmozzle?

I went to my regular appointment yesterday and the doctor took one look at my lady parts and said she's never seen anything like it in her life. IN HER LIFE. Do you know how many vaginas that woman has seen in her life? Must be hundreds. Thousands even. But she's never seen one like mine.
Know why?
Because mine looks like the tanning lady's.

Yep, it's like I've been bathing my nether regions in self tanner. George Hamilton and I should hook up.
The oncologist brought in a colleague who has also been looking at vaginas for years and years. Guess what? She's NEVER SEEN THIS EITHER. *SIGH*
They took pictures and are going to share these with other doctors in hopes of finding an explanation.( I wish I'd known this appointment was going to turn into a photo shoot. I would have tried to gussy myself up for the occasion.)

(#glamourshot#nofilter)

I then had to explain to the doctor that this wasn't altogether surprising to me. Do you know why? Because any kind of strange or bizarre happenstance will undoubtedly happen to this girl. Honestly. I'm a schmozzle. I should have warned her ahead of time what kind of patient she was dealing with, but that really would have ruined the element of surprise.

So, I then listed my possible explanations:
1. I have reverse Michael Jackson disease
2. I am morphing into a woman of colour and the change is starting at my vagina
3. The cancer is literally leaving my cervix and seeping out my pores.

She said she was glad I hadn't lost my sense of humour. I don't think she's going to explore those options as in-depth as she ought to.