I hope my oncologist doesn't fire me as his patient

I think I am in trouble; Big trouble.

Let's backtrack a bit first. I would like to think of myself as a well-groomed kind of gal. Top to bottom. Well, when you have cervical cancer, like I do, you must change some of these grooming habits to non-grooming habits- catch my drift?
Apparently, radiation thins the layers of skin, so shaving, waxing or using creams will further thin those skin layers and may/will result in rashes or radiation burns.
Sweet baby Jesus in the sky- I really DO NOT want my lady parts burnt.

Well...what do you do in that itchy in-between phase, huh? There's NO mention of that in those super-helpful pamphlets you gave me about crotch cancer. **Sigh**

So, I scratched. And I scratched. Then I panicked, slathered my lady parts in hydrocortisone cream and went to bed relieved. I sure as hell didn't wake up relieved, though!
I got up, took a shower, and, low and behold- IT'S GONE.

I'm bald. FML. It's like the chemo missed the hair on top of my head, and went for the nether regions instead. My doctor's going to think I did it on purpose to be a high-maintenance asshole. I can't avoid him seeing it either, since I have to drop my drawers and flash my bits and pieces to every random at the cancer centre at each appointment. HE'S GOING TO KNOW, and he's going to be like:

and then his nurse is going to be like:

Awesome. I've really done it this time. If anyone needs me, I'll be googling small wigs and toupes this weekend.